Interest, matches, friends and messages
There are two separate ways to get closer to someone on FindLove. Interest leads to a match. Friend access opens the most personal parts of your profile. Neither lets a stranger message you: a conversation only opens between matches or friends.
This guide explains each step, what it opens, and what the other person is told.
Interest is quiet
Express interest or pass. Nobody is sent a notification, and when you both express interest, you match.
Friend access is separate
Ask for friend access from someone's profile. Friends see what you share with Matches & friends, plus your friend-only details, and you can withdraw access at any time without them being told.
Only connections can write
You can start a conversation with your matches and your friends. Nobody else can message you, and there are no message requests.
From first interest to first message.
Interest and friend access are separate. You can match without ever becoming friends, and you can ask for friend access without having matched.
Every step happens between your profile and another member's profile.
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Interest
You express interest
Choose Express interest on an introduction or in Discover. It appears on their Matches page under Interest received until they answer it.
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Match
They express interest too
When you have both expressed interest, you match. You appear under Mutual on each other's Matches page, and sections set to Matches & friends open to each other.
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Friend request
One of you asks for friend access
Anyone who can open your profile can ask, whether or not you've matched. Their request waits on your Friends page.
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Friends
The other accepts
You now hold friend access to each other. Sections set to Matches & friends, social links and family background open to each other.
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Conversation
Either of you writes
A match or a friend can start a conversation. You only ever have one conversation with each person, and it stays between the two of you.
Expressing interest, or passing
You answer your daily introductions on the Dashboard, and you can express interest in anyone you find in Discover.
Express interest
Your interest is recorded straight away and can't be taken back. They aren't sent a notification. It shows on their Matches page under Interest received, marked Awaiting you, and on yours under Interest sent, marked Awaiting them.
Pass
They're never told you passed. You won't be shown them again for 90 days, after which they may appear again.
Unanswered interest expires
Interest that isn't returned expires quietly after 30 days. Neither of you is told, it disappears from both Matches pages, and either of you can decide afresh. Interest never expires once you've matched, become friends or started a conversation.
Who you can express interest in
Anyone FindLove shows you in your introductions or in Discover. That means members looking for the same thing as you, and nobody either of you has blocked.
When interest is mutual
Your Matches page has three tabs: Mutual, Interest received and Interest sent.
A match needs both of you
You match the moment the second of you expresses interest, including by choosing Return interest under Interest received. If you complete the match, you'll see "You have matched". The other person finds it under Mutual on their Matches page.
What a match opens
Sections of each other's profiles set to Matches & friends, and a conversation. Choose Open conversation next to the match to write to them.
Matches stay
A match doesn't expire. There's no button to undo one. If you no longer want contact, block them, as described below.
Paused profiles step back
While someone's profile is paused, they don't appear under Mutual or in your interest lists. They reappear when they resume.
Asking, answering and withdrawing
Friends see the most personal parts of your profile, including your social links and family background. You choose who they are, and you can change your mind at any time.
Asking for friend access
On a member's profile, choose Ask for friend access. The button changes to Request pending. You don't need to have matched or spoken first, and you can only have one request open with each person.
If they asked you first
Their profile shows Respond to their request instead. Answer it from your Friends page rather than sending a request of your own.
Accepting or declining
Requests wait on your Friends page under Requests waiting on you. Choose Accept as friend to open friend access both ways, or Not yet to decline. Declining doesn't notify them, but their list of requests they sent can show it as Declined, and they can't send you another. You can still ask them yourself later.
Cancelling a request you sent
Open Requests you sent from your Friends page and choose Cancel while it is still pending. You can ask again later.
Withdrawing friend access
On your Friends page, choose Withdraw next to their name. Friend access closes in both directions straight away, and they aren't told. Either of you can ask again later.
Who can write to you
There are no message requests on FindLove. A conversation needs a connection first, so nobody can write to you unless you've matched or become friends.
Matches and friends only
You can write to someone once you've matched or become friends. A friend request that is still pending isn't enough.
Starting a conversation
Choose Open conversation on your Matches page, or Message on a friend's profile or your Friends page. New message lists everyone you can write to. If you already have a conversation with someone, you return to it.
New messages
Your Messages list marks each conversation with the number of messages you haven't read yet. Opening the conversation marks them read.
Archiving a conversation
Archive removes a conversation from your Messages list only. The other person keeps it and can still write, and a new message from either of you brings it back. Archiving withdraws every photograph released in it, and they stay withdrawn if it comes back.
Sharing photographs
Inside a conversation, you can release one of your private photographs to that person alone, and revoke it again. The private photos guide explains how.
When a conversation closes
A conversation closes to new messages if either of you blocks the other, or if one of you leaves FindLove or is removed. The history stays there for you to read. The conversation only says it is closed, not why.
What the other person is told
Most decisions on FindLove are quiet. Here is what reaches the other person, and what never does.
What reaches the other person
- Your interest, under Interest received on their Matches page.
- A match, under Mutual on their Matches page.
- Your friend request, on their Friends page.
- Your messages, as you send them.
What stays with you
- That you passed on them.
- That interest expired without an answer.
- That you withdrew friend access.
- That you archived your conversation.
- That you blocked them. They see only that the conversation is closed.
When you want contact to stop
There is no button to undo a match. To stop contact with someone, block them from their profile, or from a friend request. It works in both directions, and they aren't told.
You leave each other's browsing
Neither of you appears in the other's introductions or Discover, and neither of you can express new interest in the other.
Friend requests are cleared
Any pending friend request between you is removed, and no request can be accepted while the block stands.
The conversation closes
Neither of you can send new messages, and photographs you released there can no longer be opened. The history stays readable.
You can undo it
Remove the block from their profile at any time. The conversation reopens. The reporting guide explains blocking and reporting in full.
See who's waiting on you.
Your Matches page shows your mutual matches, the interest you've received, and the interest you've sent.
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